The hour glass; with the sand at the top representing the future and the sand at the bottom representing the past is an enduring symbol of mortality and time. The here and now is represented by the small grains momentarily dropping down the minute channel in between the two. 'Time' is something that we all wish we had more of, we never seem to have enough of it. It is precious and elusive. Here I am
going to cast my thoughts on three particular issues regarding 'time'
and how mindfulness may remedy these issues. Mindfulness in short (there a libraries of books expounding on what is is) is a attentiveness on awareness on reality, a focus on the present moment that is practised through meditation focusing on breathing for example and discernment of our thoughts throughout the day. Firstly I will look at how we spend time in the society of others. Secondly, how we spend time with ourselves in solitude, alone. Thirdly and finally at the issue of being 'busy'. I will write on these issues the only way I am capable of, which is by using the words and writings of others,they are my mouth piece.
The British Indie rock band
Oasis (who also notably released an album entitled Be Here Now) have a track called 'Hello' that begins with the line, “I
don't feel as if I know you, you take up all my time.” It is a
typical 'stream of consciousness' style line written by the bands main song writer, Noel
Gallagher. It is a lyric that has the quality of a sudden thought that has
just bobbed up into the soup of your consciousness when someone close
to you has hurt you, bored or irritated you, or perhaps something that might be said in an argument. It is a resounding and insightful line. It shows how it is
perfectly possible and normal to feel lonely in a room full of
people, in the society of others. It is only a simple 'one liner' from the whole song however it none the less serves to highlight the
importance of how we can at times feel about 'time' and spending it in the society of others, even the closest to us. We can feel lonely and we can feel that our precious
time is being wasted. The existential anxiety at wasting our time can be morbidly painful. In short then, we all want to use 'our time' better and would like the time we spend with others sometimes to feel more fulfilling. In 'The Miracle of Mindfulness' by the Vietnamese Zen Buddhist Monk, Thich Nhat
Hanh describes a conversation with a man called Allen who with his partner Sue, has a 7 year old son called Joey, and a newly born daughter named Ana. In the book, he describes how through mediation and mindfulness, Allen has come to 'see' time.
"Iv discovered
a way to have a lot more time. In the past, I sued to look at my time
as if it were divided into several parts. One part I reserved for
Joey, another part was for Sue, another part to help with Ana,
another part for household work. The time left I considered my own. I
could read, write, do research, go for walks. But now I try not to
divide time into parts anymore. I consider my time with Joey and and
Sue as my own time. When I help Joey with his homework, I try to find
ways of seeing his time as my own time. I go through his lesson with
him, sharing his presence and finding ways to be interested in what
we do during that time. The time for him becomes my own time. The
same with Sue. The remarkable thing is that now I have unlimited time
for myself!"
The idea then is
that we cease to stop rigidly and strictly compartmentalising and dividing time into 'time' spent doing house
work, 'time' spent sending e-mails, but rather just
concentrate on being present in very moment your are now actually in.
Now, clearly, we cannot all stop setting aside time to do things and
that is not what the author is suggesting. Rather the idea is that every opportunity in the company of others is an opportunity to be aware and present in the Here and Now. They are saying we should
begin to 'see' time differently, the stress should not be put on the schedule, but on meeting your schedule, actually being where you need to be. If we are mindful of our thoughts in the company of others, we may be less likely to feel lonely, let down or bored, or less inclined to worry about what we say, and we will learn to simply enjoy the company of others more. This is the key to Compassion, we see the negative thoughts that may arise in the company of others, feelings of loneliness, thoughts about being misunderstood, and we just let them come and go, likes waves on a beach and as come back to ourselves when our minds wander 'like a butterfly comes back to a flower after having fluttered around here and there for no apparent reason' as the Buddhist monk Matthieu Ricard wrote in his book, 'The Art of Meditation.' We have compassion with ourselves, not getting angry at ourselves for thinking negative thoughts or day dreaming, rather we concentrate on being fully present with who ever we are with. Regarding the society of others then, be with who are you are meant to be with, be there. Time stops being the unseen cage within which we live our lives and share our lives with others and becomes something that just is.
Like the Oasis lyric, there is a line that
for me sums up how we can sometimes feel about being on our own time with ourselves, in solitude. In Shakespeare's Henry
VI, Richard Duke of Gloucester says the line, “I am myself alone.”
Now without going into the context of the line in the play I think it
stands out as a thing which me may all feel from time to time; the
utter relief of solitude! I often think that 'man' changes the very
instant there is someone else in the room, it's as if a second light bulb
comes on in the brain as someone else enters. As soon as there are more than one person in a room, we change. The Shakespeare line, I think can perhaps suggest that we
can struggle to be ourselves in the company of others and that
feeling a sense of relief at being alone is natural. The philosopher Alain
de Botton when writing about the role that books can play in giving
our lives meaning and fulfillment wrote the following line, “they
(books) prevent the morose suspicion that we do not fully belong to
the human species, that we lie beyond comprehension.' This line ties
in with the Shakespeare line, for me. I think often we can seek
solitude just to get away from feeling misunderstood, patronised, bored and made intensely lonely by people. However if in
the presence of others, as I have just discussed previously we aim to be
mindful, we may be more present of mind to make our selves more
understood and feel more fulfilled in the company of others. We may also reflect and find that in life, we are always going to feel those sorts of feelings about people, even the closest to us. We may find that we need not eagerly seek salvation in others, but we can just simply start enjoy people for who they are through mindfulness. With a quieter mind when with others we may find that it is easier to meet the mind of the person whom with we are with, and connect better with them, the distance between us and others doesn't seem so far and frighteningly distant.
There is a breath taking bit of writing by W. Somerset Maugham in his novel the Moon and Sixpence that sums up the way we can often feel about the society of our fellow men and that sense of 'distance';
“Each one of us is alone in the world. He is shut in a tower of brass, and can communicate with his fellows only by signs, and the signs have no common value, so that their sense is vague and uncertain. We seek pitifully to convey to others the treasures of our heart, but they have not the power to accept them, and so we go lonely, side by side but not together, unable to know our fellows and unknown by them. We are like people living in a country whose language they know so little that, with all manner of beautiful and profound things to say, they are condemned to the banalities of the conversation manual. Their brain is seething with ideas, and they can only tell you that the umbrella of the gardener's aunt is in the house.”
This staggering beautiful piece of writing sums up the importance of mindfulness. There are maybe things we simply cannot communicate, we do live in 'towers of brass.' Ultimately the society of others will always fall short, only by mindfulness can we connect with others better, know each other better and perhaps even read each others thoughts with a sense of clarity. We may gain deeper insight into the living, breathing curious and enigmatic creatures we live our lives alongside in society. If we quiet our minds through mindfulness and meditation, 'the brain seething with ideas' may become a less frightening and ultimately frustrating place, we may even be clear minded enough to find the will to articulate our deepest thoughts 'the beautiful and profound things to say.' In mindfulness the inadequacy of words becomes something less bitter. T.S Eliot wrote; 'It's strange that words are so inadequate. Yet, like the asthmatic struggling for breath, so the lover must struggle for words.' That 'struggle for words' among the mind 'seething with ideas' becomes a lot easier and satisfying when our minds are clear. Mindfulness is the key to this. However as we shall see, the time we spend with others, is not were we should attempt to find happiness and fulfillment.
Montaigne in his work 'On Solitude' wrote, 'let us make our happiness depend on ourselves; let us allow ourselves from the bonds which tie us to others; let us gain power over ourselves to live really and truly alone-and of doing so in contentment.' What Montaigne is saying here, is that we should not feel so attached to our fellow men, that we should not let our internal life be governed by the comings and going of the world of men in which we live and move. Montaigne is saying that the time we spend in the society of others, is not futile, it is time well spent, however it is not were we shall find happiness and contentment, that is only something that we can nurture within ourselves. It is liberating advise. Our happiness depends on our selves. In solitude then it is just as important to be present and mindful with ourselves as when we are in the presence of others, for Montaigne, we are in solitude, even when we are in a room full of people and it is the needless 'bonds which tie us to others' which can hold back our happiness.
Now, Montaigne goes on to say this about the way our souls are, “There is hardly less torment in running a family than a whole country. Whenever our soul finds something to do she is there in her entirety: domestic tasks may be less important but they are no less importune.” Importune meaning something that is persistent to the point of annoyance. Montaigne understood that 'Whenever our soul finds something to do she is there in her entirety' which means that it is not the size or relevance of what we have to do that makes us feel any less frustrated by it. Montaigne was spot on when he said that lone, domestic tasks are just as important in our solitary life because it is the realisation that it is not what we do or who we are with, but how we do what we are doing. This is the secret to a fulfilling inner life and an enriching solitude. Thich Nhat Hanh writes;
There is a breath taking bit of writing by W. Somerset Maugham in his novel the Moon and Sixpence that sums up the way we can often feel about the society of our fellow men and that sense of 'distance';
“Each one of us is alone in the world. He is shut in a tower of brass, and can communicate with his fellows only by signs, and the signs have no common value, so that their sense is vague and uncertain. We seek pitifully to convey to others the treasures of our heart, but they have not the power to accept them, and so we go lonely, side by side but not together, unable to know our fellows and unknown by them. We are like people living in a country whose language they know so little that, with all manner of beautiful and profound things to say, they are condemned to the banalities of the conversation manual. Their brain is seething with ideas, and they can only tell you that the umbrella of the gardener's aunt is in the house.”
This staggering beautiful piece of writing sums up the importance of mindfulness. There are maybe things we simply cannot communicate, we do live in 'towers of brass.' Ultimately the society of others will always fall short, only by mindfulness can we connect with others better, know each other better and perhaps even read each others thoughts with a sense of clarity. We may gain deeper insight into the living, breathing curious and enigmatic creatures we live our lives alongside in society. If we quiet our minds through mindfulness and meditation, 'the brain seething with ideas' may become a less frightening and ultimately frustrating place, we may even be clear minded enough to find the will to articulate our deepest thoughts 'the beautiful and profound things to say.' In mindfulness the inadequacy of words becomes something less bitter. T.S Eliot wrote; 'It's strange that words are so inadequate. Yet, like the asthmatic struggling for breath, so the lover must struggle for words.' That 'struggle for words' among the mind 'seething with ideas' becomes a lot easier and satisfying when our minds are clear. Mindfulness is the key to this. However as we shall see, the time we spend with others, is not were we should attempt to find happiness and fulfillment.
Montaigne in his work 'On Solitude' wrote, 'let us make our happiness depend on ourselves; let us allow ourselves from the bonds which tie us to others; let us gain power over ourselves to live really and truly alone-and of doing so in contentment.' What Montaigne is saying here, is that we should not feel so attached to our fellow men, that we should not let our internal life be governed by the comings and going of the world of men in which we live and move. Montaigne is saying that the time we spend in the society of others, is not futile, it is time well spent, however it is not were we shall find happiness and contentment, that is only something that we can nurture within ourselves. It is liberating advise. Our happiness depends on our selves. In solitude then it is just as important to be present and mindful with ourselves as when we are in the presence of others, for Montaigne, we are in solitude, even when we are in a room full of people and it is the needless 'bonds which tie us to others' which can hold back our happiness.
Now, Montaigne goes on to say this about the way our souls are, “There is hardly less torment in running a family than a whole country. Whenever our soul finds something to do she is there in her entirety: domestic tasks may be less important but they are no less importune.” Importune meaning something that is persistent to the point of annoyance. Montaigne understood that 'Whenever our soul finds something to do she is there in her entirety' which means that it is not the size or relevance of what we have to do that makes us feel any less frustrated by it. Montaigne was spot on when he said that lone, domestic tasks are just as important in our solitary life because it is the realisation that it is not what we do or who we are with, but how we do what we are doing. This is the secret to a fulfilling inner life and an enriching solitude. Thich Nhat Hanh writes;
"while washing the
dishes one should only be washing the dishes,which means that while
washing the dishes one should be completely ware of the fact that one
is washing the dishes. At first glance, that might seem a little
silly: why put so much stress on a simple thing? But that's precisely
the point. The fact that I am standing there and washing these bowls
is a wondrous reality. I'm being completely myself, following my
breath, conscious of my presence, and conscious of my thoughts and
actions. There's no way I can be tossed around mindlessly like a
bottle slapped here and there on the waves."
Mindfulness then allows us to have a more centred, and grounded solitude and as I wrote before it can help us find peace in the company of others. Montaigne's advise 'allow ourselves from the bonds which tie us to others' is not simply advising us to become unsociable, self absorbed hermits, rather I believe that what he is saying is not far from the idea of mindfulness. Montaigne knew that the society of others is not ultimately were we find meaning, it is within ourselves and can only be within ourselves. He wrote beautifully and simply; 'we have a soul able to
turn in on herself; she can keep herself company; 'in solis sis
tibi turba locis' -in lonely places, be a crowd unto yourself.' Mindfulness can help us then with the 'time' we spend in the society of others and with ourselves in solitude. We become independent and a crowd unto our selves; we are a crowd unto ourselves when we are at peace with ourselves. The short comings of language and being with others are alleviated. We can learn to enjoy the society of others joyfully, mindful of ourselves.
Now finally to that issue of our age, being busy. It is incredible to notice once you begin to attempt to hush your mind just how often our mind is thinking about the things we we need to do or what to do next. Our minds nag us constantly all day to do stuff. Why don't we give ourselves a break?! The monk Matthie Ricard also wrote; "remember that while your days are numbered, ordinary activities are like waves of the ocean-there is no end to them." There truly is no end to the ever expanding to do list constantly being conjured up by our minds. So let's at least just keep it simple, and just do one thing at a time. It worth doing a quick mind experiment at this point to really hit this point home. Stop reading this and just sit with your eyes shut for a minute and thoughts of remembering to record that documentary, and ironing that shirt, and getting some new tea bags come crashing in. Try it. An excellent article was brought to my attention by a good friend of mine, written by Tim Kreider for the New York Times entitled, ' The Busy Trap'. In it he argues against the idea that we are all really to busy for each other, that in fact being 'busy' in it's extreme form may perhaps be self deluding. Kreider writes;
"Busyness serves as a kind of existential reassurance, a hedge against emptiness; obviously your life cannot possibly be silly or trivial or meaningless if you are so busy, completely booked, in demand every hour of the day...it’s hard to see this pretense of indispensability as anything other than a form of institutional self-delusion. More and more people in this country no longer make or do anything tangible; if your job wasn’t performed by a cat or a boa constrictor in a Richard Scarry book I’m not sure I believe it’s necessary. I can’t help but wonder whether all this histrionic exhaustion isn’t a way of covering up the fact that most of what we do doesn’t matter."
What we do, perhaps, may not matter, but the apparent 'run from meaninglesness' that may be causal of overt busyness is no excuse for living a life were each day we listen to people but not hear them, we talk to people but only reflect solely on what we say and one were are constantly in the company of others but unable to get beyond ourselves. Busyness is no excuse for a life were we sit alone but are splintered in a hundred different places at once 'tossed around mindlessly like a bottle slapped here and there on the waves.' Indeed, if we begin to stop seeing time in such a rigid way and resolved to be a little more concerned with being present we may find more meaning in life, and not have to fill our time so much with 'being busy' to find meaning. Plan for tomorrow yes, be organised, but there is only the Here and Now and there will only ever be the here and now for us. It is always Now. For us there is only ever this moment. It is this leads to the idea of Buddhist idea of impermanence put simply and crudely, that it is only delusion that attaches us to this world, and that that attachment is what leads to our suffering. The following is from the Diamond Sutra;
"thus shall ye think of this fleeting world:
a star at dawn, a bubble in a stream;
a flash of lightening in a summer cloud;
a flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream."
If we realise the impermanence of our lives, our delusion attachment to the world to others, to ourselves, to the things we need to do, the cause of our suffering is up rooted and as Thich Nhat Hanh writes, 'life will be seen as infinitely precious, every second of it worth living.'
We live in a society were the discourse of time is monetised, we 'spend' it, we don't have any 'spare' time, we are 'short' of time, we 'invest' time in friends and relationships. Everyone is sweaty at the palms, anxious not to waste time. However for me it seems, that if we come to see time a little differently, if we resolve to be mindful of how we are (fully present) when when are using our time in the here and now, the way we spend our time may come to feel perhaps, a little more meaningful. And if when we are alone we strive to again be mindful, and not see fulfillment in the potential of time spent with others, but learn to enjoy solitude, and to nurture our inner resources through mindfulness, the very way we spend time in the company of others and in solitude may change. Our very lives could change. At least, we may be a little happier, perhaps feel a little more fulfilled and at peace with what we do with our time as the sand in the hour glass drops with rapidity, yet somehow as slow, gentle and as sure as a meandering river, grain by grain. I shall leave the last word to Seneca who wrote in 'On the Shortness of Life;
"Everyone hurries his life on and suffers from a yearning for the future and a weariness of the present. But he who bestows all of his time on his own needs, who plans out every day as if it were his last, neither longs for nor fears for the morrow."
'Solitude' by John Martin (1843)
